I'm used to late night tears alone when reality creeps in upon me.
I felt like a puzzle piece that didn't fit into any puzzle or with any other piece. A random piece with no explanation, no purpose, maybe to some it looked a little pretty but all in all, a lonely unhappy piece.
In my sadness, lyrics came to me.
"I see you dressed in white,
Every wrong made right..."
Oh, beautiful.
My mind picked up on what I'd told myself before, "No, this song is not for you, this is not you. You're not beautiful, especially on the inside." I'd even wondered at times, "Why did God chose me? I haven't amounted to anything."
But my heart and mind then grasped something they had been missing.
I countered, "No, this song is for me! It's not me now, but it's my future!"
The song played in my head and the words sunk in. "Yes, yes!" My heart cried.
"I see you dressed in white,
every wrong made right"
Yes! I will be a bride! I'm a part of the Church, the Bride of Christ.
"I see a rose in bloom,
At the sight of you.
Oh, so priceless."
At this great future wedding, that will be me. I will be a rose in bloom, at the wedding. Finally, that beautiful young blushing bride, oh, could it be? That dream on earth that can no longer be fulfilled. Yes, yes, it could in heaven and be so much better than my earthly dreams of a wedding. This verse came to mind, "For outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly, we are being renewed day by day."(2 Corinthians 4:16)
I began to cry.
I realized though that these were not the tears of angry despair and resignation that come while reflecting on a lonely future, a future with no white dress, no children, no dearest beloved husband. These were tears of joy and relief instead.
I am being made perfect and one day will be at the bridal supper of Christ! Celebrating, happy in this deep love where nothing else mattered. I'm loved and cherished. Someday, there will be no sin to mar for a moment our intimacy.
"I see a rose in bloom,
At the sight of you.
Oh, so priceless."
Christ loves me! Would a bride-to-be question why her husband had chosen her? No. She knows he loves her and she know she's beautiful.
Isaiah 54 has been a chapter of comfort to my grieving heart. Read now though, these words of the Lord:
“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
In overflowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord, your Redeemer.
(vs 4-8)
"Perfect love casts out fear." I John4:18
He is Perfect Love and He took my fear and cast it out of my heart! Because of his love, there was no more fear for the future, only a joyful anticipation of his promises coming true!
-Written in 2018-
