The Wedding is coming!

I'm used to late night tears alone when reality creeps in upon me.

I felt like a puzzle piece that didn't fit into any puzzle or with any other piece. A random piece with no explanation, no purpose, maybe to some it looked a little pretty but all in all, a lonely unhappy piece.

In my sadness, lyrics came to me.

"I see you dressed in white,
Every wrong made right..."

Oh, beautiful.

My mind picked up on what I'd told myself before, "No, this song is not for you, this is not you. You're not beautiful, especially on the inside." I'd even wondered at times, "Why did God chose me? I haven't amounted to anything."

But my heart and mind then grasped something they had been missing.

I countered, "No, this song is for me! It's not me now, but it's my future!"

The song played in my head and the words sunk in. "Yes, yes!" My heart cried.

"I see you dressed in white,
every wrong made right"

Yes! I will be a bride! I'm a part of the Church, the Bride of Christ.

"I see a rose in bloom,
At the sight of you.
Oh, so priceless."
At this great future wedding, that will be me. I will be a rose in bloom, at the wedding.  Finally, that beautiful young blushing bride, oh, could it be? That dream on earth that can no longer be fulfilled. Yes, yes, it could in heaven and be so much better than my earthly dreams of a wedding. This verse came to mind, "For outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly, we are being renewed day by day."(2 Corinthians 4:16)

I began to cry.

I realized though that these were not the tears of angry despair and resignation that come while reflecting on a lonely future, a future with no white dress, no children, no dearest beloved husband. These were tears of joy and relief instead.

I am being made perfect and one day will be at the bridal supper of Christ! Celebrating, happy in this deep love where nothing else mattered. I'm loved and cherished. Someday, there will be no sin to mar for a moment our intimacy.

"I see a rose in bloom,
At the sight of you.
Oh, so priceless."

Christ loves me! Would a bride-to-be question why her husband had chosen her? No. She knows he loves her and she know she's beautiful.

Isaiah 54 has been a chapter of comfort to my grieving heart. Read now though, these words of the Lord:

“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
In overflowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord, your Redeemer.

(vs 4-8)

"Perfect love casts out fear." I John4:18

He is Perfect Love and He took my fear and cast it out of my heart! Because of his love, there was no more fear for the future, only a joyful anticipation of his promises coming true!
-Written in 2018-

28

Today is my golden birthday. I turned 28 on the 28th. 


So...I rented a limo on the preceding Saturday and had it take us downtown to see the Renaissance Center which is a place that I love.

The Limo

My mom also made this fancy tiered cake for us all to enjoy!

Birthday Cake

 I also did my hair with live flowers. (See below.)
You only have one Golden Birthday,  so I thought I would go a little crazy this year.

The Real Meaning of Thanksgiving - Coming to a Theatre Near You

No, there is no release of such a film anytime soon, but perhaps it's time for one. It seems to me that the meaning of Thanksgiving is being forgotten, undermined, and slowly buried. Here are five ways this is happening:

1. The recent appearance of "Thanksgivingclapback" memes. I think these memes are divisive and instead of getting people thinking about the true meaning of Thanksgiving, they subtly encourage people to think negatively of others. I get it, maybe your family is full of nosy, overbearing jerks and you're not looking forward to the cruel comments they have for you. However, instead of thinking about how to score one on these jerks: think about what you have to be grateful for instead. And if you really have a problem with someone, take them aside and address it.

2.  Gluttony. Nothing wrong with enjoying a good meal. However, there's been an undertone ever since I can remember that this is national pig-out day, mainly heard in conversation from the adults around me and phrases like, "gobble til you wobble."

3. "Happy Turkey Day." This phrase take the emphasis off from the real purpose of the holiday (to give thanks) and shifts it too the eating of turkey. (A "poulty" thing to celebrate in comparison.)

4. Black Friday. I don't think Black Friday is necessarily a bad thing. It brings many businesses back into the black, plus people are able to buy more for their dollar on that day. However, it's being done wrong by many. Some stores start their sales on Thanksgiving and many people turn ugly on Black Friday in total contrast to the day of thankfulness beforehand. It's sad that our country has a holiday that is supposed to be about giving thanks that is followed by a day where people get trampled to death for materialism. How does that reflect on our nation?

5. Early Christmas decorating, music, and sale of Christmas items. I don't want to emphasis Thanksgiving over remembering the birth of Jesus, but the pre-thanksgiving Christmas push is more about making a profit. Plus, is it getting people thinking about the birth of Christ and why he came to this earth? Probably not... Thanksgiving gets glossed over in the Christmas hype and the real meaning of two holidays are lost in consumerism.

The Balloon Bouquet

I let my imagination run away with me...

The Balloon Bouquet

Once I was a little girl standing in my minty frock and in my hand I held a balloon bouquet. They were all the colors of the rainbow. Red, yellow, green, and purple, blue, and gold; orange, pink, and fuscia. Translucent balloons with an iredescent sheen, and tied with white string. There were so many: I thought these dreams would carry me away. The future seemed so fun and light.
But one by one, I found, as time dragged on, they slowly slipped my grip and floated away.
Others withered as I grew older still. And one or two I released to fly unattainably high in the pale blue sky.
Yet other balloons came my way. Some bright, but more of sombre hues like velvety mists: green, blue, burgundy. My pack was thinning still, and still, these drifted away.
Yet I chose some silver balloons, and some of lighter and darker grays. Then one came. A pink floating heart. With an outstretched white hand, I grasped its string. It came to me so easily. I loved that dream, and yet it slowly faded into gray. Sometimes it would glimmer with pink hue and golden sheen and I would live again those darling memories of you and I and our first times of fun together when we were wondering if we could love each other. I clung to the thread to keep that shadow of what might have been, but that dream too, floated away into a dreary sky, gray on gray, while I cried no tears because I'd cried them already.
And alone I stood with no more. All dreams were gone.
There was no more balloon bouquet.

Twenty-Seven

Today is my twenty-seventh birthday. And so, I leave you with John Watson's encouraging reflection upon this age.

"She must be seven-and-twenty now,—a  sweet  age,  when  youth  has  lost  its  self-consciousness and become a little sobered by experience." -Dr. John Watson, reflecting on Mary Morstan (The Sign of Four).

Reflections on being a single during the holidays

Christmas and Birthdays can be hard. 

Birthdays were a day of celebration, now they can be a time of regret, a time where you remember that you’re still waiting for the big things in life, you’re still just as confused about life and love as last year…and you’re still celebrating this birthday alone. 

I try to forget about my age and I think of it as try to grasp the excitement of this being my own personal holiday to celebrate me. Yet, I still find myself blinking away tears.

Now for Christmas, I think there are many reasons
      1. The winter holidays don’t have the magic they used to have. Christmas is not as exciting when you can buy yourself what you want when you want (within reason.)
2. Times change. People change. People pass away. Those Christmases of the golden dawn of youth when your grandparents were still young and also still with you can never return. 
 3. You don’t have your own family. No children to train in decorating or making Christmas cookies. No little eyes to watch light up as they open they unload their stockings and open the presents you selected for them. No one other half to kiss under the mistletoe or buy presents for. Just a nomad. You don’t really fit in.
4. Like Birthdays, it’s another time of year where you wonder what you did wrong again.

When you end up crying in the arms of a stranger at the grocery store...Another Glimmer

Here's a glimmer from 2014. (See previous post for what a Glimmer is.)

It was a Sunday. I'd been in that lonesome Meijer all day, surrounded by people who didn't want to hear about whisks. I didn't want to be there. I wasn't near my quota but I was on the verge of tears. I'd been doing direct-marketing for several months now and occasionally I'd have a Sunday off and I'd go to church. On this particular day I was feeling guilty because I felt like I should have requested a Sunday off, just so I could go to church. I didn't think he was asking me to take all Sundays off, but I thought I should go to church more often. I let the fear of asking for time off stop me. I knew my priorities were out of line. So, that day I felt that I had "let God down."

But God didn't let go of me and here's how He showed me:

I had just done a show to a small crowd and no one wanted these whisks. I stepped behind my display booth and banner as I was no longer just on the verge of tears...

Then one of the people got my attention and had some questions about the product. Trying to stifle my tears I spoke with them. They stepped away, but this girl about my age came up to red-eyed me and said, "I can see you're experiencing a lot of turmoil."

She told me she was a Christian and I told her I was too. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug and as I cried in her arms, she said, "He's got you."

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, no angels, nor principalities, not things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

***Not related to the glimmer but just to save my professional dignity a little bit, I did go on to sell the most whisks in the nation for 4 days in a row.****